Salam everyone. I have to write this or my chest is going to explode. A long time friend (whom I thought is still my close friend ) was very sensitive over a piece of advice I lent to him regarding his choice of partners in life. You see, we can NEVER judge a book by it's cover. But I always believe that someone's appearance (not physical) is an indicator of what a person's belief in.
For example, if you dress up so openly in public to the extend we can't even differentiate whether you are a Muslim or not - i.e putting on lesser clothes compared to the non-muslim, well that says something about your character- perhaps 'I'm not ready yet to set things straight so let me be' or whatever d rationale is).
And I who am a believer in this (with no intention what-so-ever to hurt anyone's feeling) casually gave my 5 cents worth of advice,
"Look for someone who you feel worth calling "my wife" and perhaps someone who covers her aurah".
To my surprise, he quickly responded by saying he knew what he wanted in life and that I'm wrong to judge this current girl he's going out with (which I have no idea who she is anyway).
When I looked through his current photos (through facebook), I saw a beautiful young woman whom he casually put his arms across her shoulder. She was dressed in a close to spaghetti string shirt and they looked so happy together.
Well to me, that picture doesn't jive with his intention of having a good Muslim wife. But then again I know I might be biased and wrong.
What if this woman turns out to be such a wonderful wife and mother? It would be totally awful to have this kind of judgement! And so I take back my words, apologize and promise not EVER to give any kind of opinion.
Why did I offer him my unsolicited advice? Well, initially I thought, after going through a divorce and having the opportunity to choose a good wife, he should seriously think about his choices. Well, an advice can just be 'an opinion'. You can take it or leave it.
No matter how a person will eventually turn out to be, we marry someone for the ORIGINAL character that he or she has. Throw away the intention of marrying someone to CHANGE him or her. There's a saying "Old habits die hard". And if we are not STRONG enough, it can backfire us one day!
Well, it's a tough decision after all - choosing the right spouse.
Our judgements could be blurred at times.... and that's why we ask for God's help.
And of course the prophet had already advised us on the right criteria... It's for us to seek and understand the list.
As always, it's everyone's dream to marry their 'soul mates'. But, not everyone will get the privileged of marrying one.
There is ONLY one chance to make it right.
By making the right choice.
I rest my case.