Friday, May 15, 2015

Parenting Group 1, Sem 2, 2014/2015

Asklm everyone,

Please share your opinion on Tracy McMillan's "The person you really need to marry" - hope you learn something ;)



From my point of view, Tracy McMillan is a very wonderful and amazing woman. She can still motivate us with her talk of “Marrying Yourself” even though she was divorced for three times and came from a family that was not in a positive background. I am sympathy to hear that her mother was a prostitute and her father was a drug dealer who lived in a prison for many years. However, I am proud to see how she can deal with that circumstances and live happily now.
On top of that, I love to hear her concept of marrying yourself which she stressed on four types of vows. First of all, you have to marry yourself for a richer or poorer. Thus, by loving yourself exactly on who you are is the only way to get where you are going now. As a result, you can move on your life to a positive side although any tragic incident happened in your life. Furthermore, I am impressed when she stressed on marrying yourself for better or worst. This means that we should not only prepare ourselves for better conditions but we should also have to prepare ourselves for any hard or disappointment conditions such as we cannot afford to buy our home, not having relationship that we want and have too much reality tv shows in our life. Therefore, by using the concept of marrying ourselves, we will agree to stay with us in any situation that we faced. Moreover, the third vow is you should marry yourself in sickness or health. This means that you have to forgive yourself for your own mistake. I am totally agreed on this part because it can lead us to live in this world without any stress. Last but not least, when you are marrying yourself, it is to have and to hold yourself. It means that you love yourself in a way that you want someone else to love you.
In summary, I like her talk about marrying yourself and the quotation that she gave at the end of her talk, “I took myself to the top of the mountain or maybe to the bottom of the ocean and I get down in one knee, and I said I will never leave you”. This quotation is really inspired me on loving myself and the people around us so that we can live peacefully and happily together. Thus, this will strengthen our ukhuwwah as Muslim Ummah as well as in a society that comprises of different races or religions.

MASHY said...

Assalamualaikum Madam,
My first impression towards the video is “Oh my god what happen to her, married for three times and divorce also for three times. What a bad life.” But along watching the video, I felt she is a strong woman which is still able to smile even though she has been through a lot of pain. Before this, I also had bad memory on my previous relationship where I had been left away by my ex-boyfriend which dated with another girl when he flied to Indonesia to study Pharmacy. So, I just moved on to new chapter of my life with a new me. I just believe until now that things happen for a reason. Then, after watching the video, I feel I am very lucky than her and grateful to Allah s.w.t. It is true that we have to love ourselves first before loving others so we can accept if the end is not like we expected to happen. Besides, we always exposed to fairytale story which have happy ending with guy or woman that we loved. Then, we always set in our mind that we also can be same like the story. That’s why many people nowadays commit suicide just because of love. People nowadays think love just a simple word to say but actually this word can make up a day of person and also vice versa. What can be related to parenting subject, good example from parent is very important to children. If we cannot be good role model to them, how can they success in their lifetime. What happened to Tracy was her mother is prostitute and her father is a criminal man. So from that point she never have golden of opportunity to learn how to appreciate good guy, how to love a good guy and how to be a good wife toward husband. Just like she said she only knew love, marriage and baby carriage are equal to relationship. The vows that she made with herself is one of good motivation to handle problem about emotional. First, we must love ourselves right where we are. Second, marry ourselves for better and for worse. Next, always forgive ourselves for mistake. So, we fully can move on if we had problems. Last but not least, to have and hold ourselves which we love ourselves the way we want some else to love us. From that, we can appreciate the people around us. Somehow problems will matured us more than before. It is like she said, the place that you have biggest challenges where the place you have the most to give. Marriage is not simple because both have to give full of commitment. We have to try our best in marriage to be a good parent in future. If we have bad background of family never set in our mind that our marriage same to our parents but try our best to make it better than our parents. Do not try to put a goal that can ruin our marriage based on our problem before. But, we always have to think a positive way for the marriage. Finally, an important key is we must always prepare for the worse in future.
Thanks madam for sharing this video. It helps me a lot in future.

Fatin Nabilah said...

Assalamualaikum madam, I'm Fatin nabilah had watched the video that you asked. I would like to says that that woman is the most independent woman I had ever seen. This is because she said in her talk that she married her self. I think I am not strong enough like her as she shows herself obviously strong after 3 divorces. I want to point out her last speech during the talk when she said she don't need or craving to hear 'will you marry me' because she already married herself. This is touch my heart as she was so strong to said that yet I knew in her deep heart she still feel sad and pain. There is no person in this world don't need love from other person. You cant be to strong yet you will break same like a branch of tree. I hope she can stay strong, and find other person to marry. Thank you..

Muhammad Fahmi Bin Mamat (1314719) said...

In my humble opinion based on that video, there always a chance in our life to find a happy marriage and stay as long as we could. I noticed that the important thing in our life is to love ourselves. Keep trying and don't ever ever ever give up before the miracles happens.

Sometimes, in life, don't focus only on what others think about you, just be yourself. Show your own self,and people will decide to love you or not. Simple.

Husmaruzaini Syaza said...

Dr, actually at the first time I watched it, I felt confused, why was that woman could be happily told us that she failed all her three marriage. On that time, something across my mind, how could that happened. Why? There must be something why she left all the three men while she has children with her marriage.I think, there must be reason why is she being like that, and I hope she will find her real destiny as her last and forever husband and live happily ever after.

Nik Sarra said...

as what she explained about her background, i have no doubt why she got failed 3 times in marriage. her reason to get married is to have have someone that can love her and always be with her without trying to find the right man that complement to her. she was confused whether is it enough only to have a husband and to be loved as she was very young during her first marriage.

besides that, i agree what she said that our spouse reflects us. in islam, Quran has stated in surah annur verse 26 that a good man is for a good woman and vice versa. we should not blame Allah if we do not get a perfect spouse. Allah gives to us what we deserved to get. Allah gives the best for us. we should accept our spouse in the past, present and future.

cik ieda said...

Assalamualaikum madam. I watched the video quite a number of times. And I was surprised when the speaker said " The person that I really need to marry is, MYSELF". And then,I realized that, yeah, she's right about that! We are always searching for someone that is perfect for us, as perfect as the criteria that we want, without looking into ourselves first, hiding the flaws and if possible, run away from things that makes us scared and afraid to confront with, which is our own self. But we missed the most important thing, which is, instead or making someone to love us, we must first make ourselves love ourselves, accept whatever the good or the bad about ourselves. So that, even when we're in bad situation, we can still get hold onto ourselves, even when we're alone. Being alone doesn't always mean being a failure. Being alone means, we can trust ourselves on whatever desicion we have, so we can move on to the better phase even stronger. Because "marrying" ourselves is about accepting whatever flaws we owned, what ever sickness we had, whatever failures we had gone through, not only accepting the good times only. And by "marrying" ourselves,we can get to know ourselves even better, more than anyone else. Marriage and spend the rest of the life with our spouse is a gift from Allah. Its how much we accept ourselves, not how much we want out spouse to accept ourselves. And I believe that, if we love ourselves, we'll be more grateful towards the outside world; our parents, our friends, our marriages, our kids. And if we love ourselves, maybe our future spouse will also feels the same way as we do,and can accept us wholeheartedly.. And maybe, by being redha or acceptance , we can accept imperfections, and being grateful with every bits of it. Then we'll be happier and more content, instead of living an empty life searching for perfections.

I'm apologize for writing in such a long essay ��. Thanks for sharing that video with us by the way, its very meaningful and thoughtful.

Nur Zaidah Idris (1319400)

fikhri tempest said...

As,salam overall its a very inspirational video. marrying oneself as its the most reliable way to self reflect on our deed and action is a good point to belief. staying true to oneself in health and sickness, in poverty and richness, is the best way to make your partner understand and acknowledge you.
Fikhri 1312535

Faez 1313685 said...

“The only person you need to marry is yourself”. It is quite motivational and inspiring sharing moments. From my point of view, if a person cannot love themselves, how on earth can they love anyone else? Disregard that she had been divorced three times, I'm sure that she had experience a lot and learnt something in return. To sum up, life is short but sweet for certain. So, let’s just lead life happily as “True loves expect nothing in return – it only gives”.

Husmaruzaini Syaza said...

Madam, first of all, I'm glad to watch that video. But one thing that across my mind at the first time I watched it is 'how can she tell everyone that she failed the marriage three time proudly/happily? I'm a bit confused. Why did she run away from her early marriage? There must be something wrong either with her or her spouse. I just hope that she'll find her truly happiness.

Amira Azhar said...

Amira bt. Azhar 1317022

In my opinion, marriage is about love, happiness, joy and challenges. Love is a subjective matter, where in Islam, we have to put the main priority towards Allah, then goes to our beloved Prophet (peace be upon him), both our parents and husband and wife, followed by family members, and friends. When we have allocated the love towards Allah, the Only One, every single thing would be like having positive thoughts.

This can be connected with the law of attraction. By listening to Tracy's thoughts, I think she was tested with obstacles in relationship since young. She does not received fully love and affection by both biological father and mother. And yet, she faced with those three so called failed marriage in her life.

Hence, the irony of my thought about this matter is about the first education received from parents towards children. Early education about virtues and attitudes are significant in one’s life. Perhaps, her mind was distracted with wrong thoughts about relationship, during her early marriage, which it should be like giving and receiving, instead of only one way of direction relationship. Patience is also the most important thing in making the couple more acquaint to each other.

We are what we think. Our thoughts attract us the most in our life. When we think positive then all the positive values come to us. Prayer is related to the law of attraction. I think we should pray for the best in our life including to this matter of marriage. When we have good thoughts on our future life especially in the sense of love and responsibility in marriage, we can deserve it with the willing of Allah SWT.

Muhammad Hasif Bin Hazani said...

Regarding the video that you've asked us to watch, there are a few points ai want to rant. First of all, I didn't expect the content of the video to be about marrying ourselves which I was expecting her to elaborate on the characteristics of future spouse that we need to look for it. My expectation is so wrong. So, basically, I do agree about the points that she has mentioned, however I disagree when she went extreme about that topic which she ended up not to marry any person after she had so many temporary relationships which ended up with divorce. As a Muslim, we should learn from our previous mistake and not go extreme and easily give up with finding a right person to be our partner. This is what our religion has recommended us to so which is to marry, there are many wisdom behind the marriage and definitely not through marrying ourselves. Her idea is good that we nned to try to be the person that we want to be with. So, it's upon everyone of us to keep improving ourselves to be better. No one will achieve the level of no mistakes at all, but we need to learn from it.

Anonymous said...

1317123. in my point of view, we need to change ourself first to become the better person so that there not be a problem in the future. not everyone is perfect, finding a perfect person is not an easy task. we need to know them as a friend first, than we can proceed more further in a relationship.

Mohd Saipuddin Bin Arshat said...

As for my side, i think that the video is one of the most powerful motivation to those who having a marriage problem and to those who find difficulty in knowing himself or herself. First of all, marriage interpreted differently by everyone. Even so, everyone have the same purpose that is not to be alone in this world. If someone said that he want to be forever alone, trust me thats a Greatest lie in his life. The thing i learn from this video about marriage is, its not about, how your partner or others feelings towards you, but its about is you, yourself whether you feel happy, comfortable as you being there as your partner accepts you, as what you are(including everyone around you, ex:family). Thats why we need to understand who we are from inside. Other thing that i love to remind myself from this video is people experiences is one of the best teacher in mylife. But it become the most awesome or the worst teacher if we feel the experiences by ourself. Everyone will face challenges in our life, accepts it, solve it, dont run from it. Last from me, as i always remind myself, love ALLAH, love Rasulullah, love my parents, insyaALLAH, everything will be fine..

Mdm Thank You for teaching me... May ALLAH always ease your life.. ^_^

nur syahfira said...

It is about loving ourself, and in turn being able to have healthy relationships, not only with others, but mainly ourself first.

She just understand about this after got married for three times.Humans learn while making mistakes. Its great that she get to know about this.

Its nice to get know about what a person think about something,even some of their view different from ours.

At the end, we are the choice maker for our life :)

Nabilah bt Nordin (1315054) said...

Hi madam. I am Nabilah bt Nordin (ID: 1315054).

I have watched the video. It is a very wonderful and inspiring video, I would say :)

Failure in marriages does not make one a loser. Rather, it is an opportunity for both parties to learn and improve themselves.

From this video, what inspire me most is when she said " marry yourself is to love yourself to where you are..." (Tracy McMillan). Love yourself unconditionally. Love yourself whether you are jobless, or homeless. And stay with yourself.

In the end of this video, she also emphasizes on how relationship makes you feel. Being in relationship means to focus on how the others make you feel with their presence, not how we want to impress others.

Thus, love yourself first before you love others.


Nabilah bt Nordin
CTS batch 131
(matric : 1315054)

zulaikha binti ajma'ain said...

Assalamualaikum. What i learned from this video is you need to marry yourself first which means you learn to accept all your weaknesses. I really impressed with the woman to be so strong despite her background and how she grown up and yet she did not blame her family nor her ex husband but instead she learned how to improve herself. What is more important is to be honest with yourself. In conclusion, in order to search the person you really need to marry, you need to first marry yourself :)


I am speechless on how amazing she is. Subhanallah. Having such family background doesnt make her weak or ashamed, but she proves to the world that she is indeed different ! I am impressed by how strong she is and surprisingly how she wanted to motivate others to be as strong as her.
The biggest lesson that I've learned is that in order to succed in anything you must first love yourself. How to stand still on your feet after having so many failure? The key is to LOVE and KNOW yourself more than anything. People always make mistakes by faking themself in order to be accepted without knowing that things will just become worse as you are lying to yourself, it wont last long. We must be true and honest towards ourself in order to make others happy as well.
I strongly believe that by being happy, you are making people around you happier :') InshaaAllah

Thanks for such wonderful video.

Abdul Rahman said...

We shouldn't listen someone who had married three times. Some problems are faced truthfully due to lacks of experienced but truly religion is place of virtue and complent where all problems and boundaries are stated black and white. Tq


Anonymous said...

Assalamualaikum. After watching the video, i value myself even more, love my own life more and more. I am so grateful that i learn about marriage, love from the environment, people and in class too! In my opinion, we don't have to force ourselves into marriage just because we do not want to be abandoned, to be alone, to love and to be loved. The main point of our existence on this world is to worship Allah, to seek His love and attain jannah. Why we need to waste our time, rushing to marry someone that cannot even guarantee to take care of us,grow old with us? Marriage is not simple like that. If we want to seek for happiness, joy, seek from Him only, as He is the One, the Only One that put the feelings in our heart. For me, marriage cannot guarantee our happiness. If they are, there is no divorce cases happened. Alhamdulillah for happiness and sadness and other kind of feelings that we feel in our journey to know our Creator. They make us value our life more. Wallahua'lam. All bad things come from me, good things come from Him only.



I agree with what Tracy is trying to say when she suggests that you should marry your own selves first. In summary, marrying yourself is to be happy with who you are, and accept everything, good and bad, about yourself. In life, everyone wants to seek happiness, but often get disappointed as we rely too much on others to make us happy. We put our happiness in other people’s hands when we can actually give it to ourselves by simply accepting our flaws. We should certainly try to improve ourselves every day, but not to look good in front of others. We improve ourselves just to be the best person that we can be, to achieve our own goals. It is important to free ourselves from thinking too much of what other people think about us because sometimes we may do something great, the best that we can do, but some may still think that it was not worthy of appreciation. There’s a saying I read which goes “You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches”. However, this does not mean that people are evil. Everyone is great; there is nothing wrong with anyone. The thing is that everyone is different in their own ways, and therefore we have different opinions and views about each other and about matters in life. So, the challenge is to not be afraid to be different. Once we marry ourselves, accepting ourselves for who we are, we will expect less from others, because we don’t have to. Putting ourselves in the society, when we see someone and we don’t like what they are doing, we should help them to find themselves instead of judging them. Don’t make them feel what we don’t want to feel, to be humiliated and left out. What we do to others may seem like nothing to us, but we won’t know that maybe we just saved someone’s world. In conclusion, I agree that we should have faith in ourselves because there will be times when we are all that we have for ourselves. To myself, there is no one else I would rather be than me 


Anonymous said...

1315761: My thought about the video is, her heart has been wounded too many times, even since she was little. She felt alone with her father in jail. Her marriage fails 3 times. That's why she want to marry herself, the only person who'll never betray her.

Well, that is what I think

nawzI M. said...

I don't really get what she is really saying about. Marrying oneself? Sounds so narcissistic and self-centred. One of her point that I think I get is maybe by knowing one true self that one can get true happiness. Give more effort and appreciation to your very self that every relationship to others budding from the realisation of one self that will be really connecting and everlasting?... well, that's all :3 -[Izwan M. Section 1 1318885]

NAJWA NAIM said...

[najwa bt mohamad naim]
assalamualaikum. from my point of view, i ado agree with Tracy McMillan on how important for us to accept ourselves as we are. It does not mean we just stay the same physically and mentally throughout the time. no. it means you have to accept your weaknesses and your strength. and keep on improving yourself towards the a better person. marrying yourself means accept yourself at the present moment and love yourself. when you do love yourself, of course you are going to give the best for yourself physically, spiritually and mentally. and dear muslims, who else knows best what is the best for us more than Allah? :)

Anonymous said...

The main points that we can get from this video is, before we marry with another person, we need to marry ourselves. This means, we need to know ourselves first before we know others. We need to know our strength and our own weakness. We need to learn how appreciate and accept ourselves no matter what happen. So that, after we married, we can easily appreciate and accept the other half of us.

I think that's all from me.. Thank you.. - Ruhan Asyrani Rosli, 1319381.

Nur Adilah said...

assalamualaikum madam.. i am adilah with matric number 1314394. according to the video that i have watched, i could say that the lady had transformed herself into a very positive person.
I am very sure she had faced a lot of difficulties in her life and of course it is really hard to imagine how terrible she had to go through.
So, from the video the most precious answer that i got from the video is the person that i need to be married with is myself. This is because when we say that we want to marry ourselves, of course we want to be the best. So we will change the bad thing in ourselves and become a better person so that we deserve to marry ourselves. apart from that, when we love ourselves, we tend to love other people like we love ourselves.
that's all from me.
Thank you madam for suggesting a very valuable video. =)

Muhammad anuar 1318579 said...

Assalamualaikum mdm.
Thanks for the video. What i learned from this video is always be at others shoes so that we will understand others better.
Hope that I can apply in my life to have a happy life. InsyaAllah.

Muhammad Fadhli Azhar bin Azmi said...

first and foremost assalamualaikum. In my opinion what she said is true. In order to be happy we first must learn to love and accept ourselves first. In this talk, she emphasized on marriage and how she had failed in three of them. Her story about childhood also make me feels how sad her life is but i believed she manage to face all of them. maybe her childhood at some point affect her in her relationship. However what i love most from this talk is , when you want to find a date our first thing we had to emphasized is are we happy around them and thats it. So i can say in order for us to be first, we must love ourselves first and only then people will love us and we can love them.

Ali Hadi bin Abu Hanifah said...

Ali Hadi bin Abu Hanifah

Assalamualaikum wbt.

"I've been married three times"
this statement really shocked me. I'm trying to understand her problems, but she positively only describing the "person" that ideal with her.
Marry yourself!

1) Marry yourself as you rich or poor. Love yourself as exactly what you're.
2) Marry yourself for better or worse. How bad are you, you agree to live with yourself.
3) Marry yourself in sickness and health. Forgive yourself for your mistake.
4) Marry yourself to have and hold yourself. Love yourself the way you want someone to love you.

The biggest lesson I got is we should learn how to appreciate ourself. In the term of being perfect couple, appreciate each other like we are enjoying it by ourself.
Understand yourself before you understand people.

I think thats all from me. Thank you.

hadi hanifah said...

Ali Hadi bin Abu Hanifah

Assalamualaikum wbt.

"I've been married three times"
this statement really shocked me. I'm trying to understand her problems, but she positively only describing the "person" that ideal with her.
Marry yourself!

1) Marry yourself as you rich or poor. Love yourself as exactly what you're.
2) Marry yourself for better or worse. How bad are you, you agree to live with yourself.
3) Marry yourself in sickness and health. Forgive yourself for your mistake.
4) Marry yourself to have and hold yourself. Love yourself the way you want someone to love you.

The biggest lesson I got is we should learn how to appreciate ourself. In the term of being perfect couple, appreciate each other like we are enjoying it by ourself.
Understand yourself before you understand people.

I think thats all from me. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

i've watched the video and i think she's a great woman based on wht she had been experienced throughout her life.she seems to learn a lot and didnt give up even she have failed few times in her marriage.i think she holds a great attitude in her life.we should take that as example ,dont give up and believe there is always a rainbow after the rain. sometimes it's not we or our partner that is not good enough, it 's just no fate for the two names to be whatever we did, love moderately love yourself more than other, so you would be still strong eventhough you fall one day.

Amira Farhana said...

From my perspective, this person really has positive thinking and strong character. She can manage her emotion well and accept herself after what she went through. I was impressed how on she can simply tell her story to the public. Then, I realized something in her. She could do that because she can accept herself and her life wholeheartedly. She forgive her mistakes and make the past as lesson for her to move on. Then, I noticed that we as human have to know and accept ourselves first before we accept others. It is just like when we are in relationship with our Creator. How can we surrender to Him if we don’t even know Him? The way we can get close and love Him is by observing His creation including ourselves. Same goes to human. We have to accept and love ourselves before we love others. We have to be the first one who accept our weaknesses and forgive our own mistakes before others do that. By marrying ourselves, we can accept whatever that comes to our lives regardless it is good or bad. Human is not perfect. Moreover, life isn't about finding the right person, but creating the right relationship. Life is about to forgive and forget. Learn from mistakes, live the better life.Thank you madam for sharing this video. ;)


Syafiqah Hanani said...

There are so many things that we can learn from that video. One of them is we must not find the way to run from our problems, but we must face it no matter what. In this video, Tracy said that she was getting married for the first time at the age of 19 years old because she was growing up with insufficient love from her parent and she felt that she was alone. As she was growing up she doesn't want to be left again and she was getting married in order to achieve that goal because she felt when she married someone, that person will always by her side no matter what, but yet that marriage was failed. Next, we must love ourselves first before we love other people. If we love ourselves we will know how to appreciate others better, and we will not worried if someone that we love is not perfect. This is because we also not perfect and we love ourselves no matter what, even we are rich or poor, better or worse, and even when we sick or health. By loving ourselves we also can know that no one in this world are perfect, not even us. If we are disappointed with ourselves, we stay with ourselves no matter what. We should forgive ourselves for all the mistakes we have done. We are not a failure if we learnt from our mistakes. Mistakes are something that teach us to be a better person actually. And the most precious message in this video is we should marry and love ourselves first before we love others. By doing that, we will appreciate ourselves more, and we will stay calm and strong no matter what will coming after this. We have ourselves to comfort our own self. :)
*Syafiqah Hanani Mohd Shahidin